


The Zoo Interrogation

by Cheesecake_97



Category: Homeland
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff, Funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheesecake_97/pseuds/Cheesecake_97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A funny, fluffy story set roughly in universe of "He Won't Quit". Quinn has to miss Frannie's kindergarten field trip to the Zoo, so Carrie goes instead.  Carrie deals with Quinn fan girls after the sarin gas video, it's very fluffy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Zoo Interrogation

Frannie had been talking non-stop about the panda's she wanted to see on her kindergarten zoo field trip. Quinn normally chaperoned Frannie on these types for outings during the week, when Carrie's schedule wasn't flexible. But of course that week, something blew up on the Caracas Desk with sensitive assets dating back to Quinn's tour and he couldn't get away. It's amazing what you will do for your child. So at the last minute, here was Carrie, and a gang of hip 20-something mom's going to the National Zoo on a Wednesday. What had her life become?

Anxiety crept up her spine. What was the big deal about pandas anyway? Why was she so f*ing nervous? Carrie was way out of her depth. Why did every mom have her hair done? She didn't care about their opinions of her anyway, right? Sh*t, deep down she hated wanting to be liked by other women! She suddenly missed Quinn, he would know how to charm these moms. 

An outgoing alpha mom with flowing dark hair greeted Carrie.

*Hello, you must be Frannie's mom. I'm Tiffany, Harry's mom.

*Yes. Hi.

*How nice of you to finally join us.  
(Was there some kind of judgment in that statement?)  
*It's too bad your husband couldn't come too.

*Yeah, uhhhh my partner Quinn had something come up at work.

*You mean "work", as in saving the world? I just have to say how heroic he was in that sarin gas video online. I mean I can't believe how gruesome that must have been for him.

*Ummm. Yeah the PTSD afterward was f*ing... sorry.. terrible.  
(oops, no swearing here, sh*t this was going to be hard.)

*My husband Bob, was so impressing after meeting him at our last class trip to Hillwood Gardens. My husband always comes on these school trips with us, but he has a doctor appointment today. Anyway, Bob just went on and on about how fearless and courageous Peter must have been in that vile gas chamber. He really is something isn't he?

Tiffany was just about swooning and Carrie felt ill. But Tiffany wasn't done yet...

*So when will Frannie have a sibling? You know, you shouldn't wait too long.

Did Carrie look fat? When did Tiffany become a child development specialist? Did Carrie look like a baby making machine? Why was this perfect stranger asking her this? Carries stood shocked.

Tiffany continued, 

*You know, my Bob and I would have a dozen kids, if graduate schools weren't so expensive. We were over the moon when we found out we were having Harry. We had never been so happy. I read every book, I followed his development weekly. I loved being pregnant, what about you?

Carrie had done a lot of dark stuff for the CIA, but at least Dar, Saul and Max would have never asked her about more babies! Isn't this sexual harassment? Didn't she sit through an HR training about this? She would rather be in a Senate hearing, being cross examined by Lockhart then face this.

*Ummm.. I had a difficult pregnancy and I'm not sure I would want to re-live it.  
Carrie said truthfully. That was kind of the understatement of the century.

*That's too bad, you should try prenatal aqua therapy next time, it really helped my back pain.

The idea of doing water aerobics, while pregnant, with a bunch of other women, sounded like torture. Carrie didn't like being on the defense, not in control. Why where all these suburban mom's intimidating her? They all seems to know the right kind of expensive clothes to wear, the right kind of organic snacks to pack, and had designer diaper bags to match their designer babies they had in tow. I mean did everyone have a personal trainer and in-home makeup artist? She wasn't sure seeing the lions was worth this!

Another extremely polished, well accessorized mom walked up and introduced herself,

*Hi I'm Samantha, my daughter is Elizabeth over there. I just wanted to say that I was so petrified when I saw Peter in that video, it was so appalling... blah, blah blah... something about her Elizabeth in polo and golf lessons. 

The tall blonde, with a deep tan went on and on, Carrie felt as if she were surrounded by fan girls. She couldn't endure any more. She found an excuse to take Frannie to the bathroom and fled. What was she doing here? Was this some kind of motherhood alternate universe here? 

*I'm so glad you are here Mommy, I can't wait to see the pandas!  
Frannie squeezed her hand while they re-joined the group. Kids, they will make you do crazy sh*t.

Tiffany alpha mom/group leader announced it was snack time, and the group took over several picnic tables near the Meerkat exhibit. Tiffany the perfect hostess invited Carrie to her table.

*Here Carrie, I brought extra homemade yogurt and granola. I found the best flax seeds in this small shop in ... 

This was a joke right. Who had time to make yogurt or granola?

Several other mom's and their little ones joined their table. Someone asked Carrie if she was Frannie's nanny. 

*No, I'm her mom.

A funny look passed over their faces.

*I guess we just assumed you would have pretty red hair like Frannie.

Uncomfortable silence.  
Tiffany tried to fill the silence with...

*Is Frannies' beautiful hair, from your side of the family or Peter's?

Wow, this just got too awkward. All eyes were on her. Carrie was half tempted to tell them she inherited it from one of America's most famously accused terrorists, just for the shock value, but she held her tongue.

*I always thought the red hair came from Peter's great aunt Eleanor. Said a voice with a great accent behind Carrie.

A tall, blonde, in a suit walked around from the Cheetah exhibit, Astrid had literally come to save the day. Carrie was so elated, she could have kissed that German Ice Queen. With a smile of relief, Carrie turned and hugged her like she had just been released from the Taliban.

*This is our family friend Astrid.. she works at ...

*...the U.N. coordinating diplomatic travel. I was in town and heard you and Frannie where at the zoo, so I had to come see for myself.

*Thank you. She mouthed to Astrid. 

Astrid managed to pull her aside and told her she needed her eyes only, on a file regarding Lebanon. It was off book, a personal favor. 

*I've never been so happy to read a surveillance report in my life.  
Carrie said with a huge grin.

*********

That night after Frannie was in bed, Carrie and Quinn were cleaning up the kitchen, Quinn causally asked how the field trip went.

*Fine, if you like being harassed to no end, it was a f*ing interrogation. Oh yeah and pandas were asleep!

*That bad huh?  
Quinn put down the saucepan he was drying and looked over at her. He read something in her face.

*You aren't jealous of those mom's are you?

*No. No. Well OK. They just all looked like they had walked out of a spa. They are so pretty, and sophisticated and well.... put together. They seemed so domestic. Like some how they could make canning fruit and churning butter seem cool, all the while planning a professionally decorated 3 year old's birthday party. I'm none of those things. I'd rather be stuck behind enemy lines in the Yemen desert, then compete against that.

*Come here.  
He pulled her into a hug.  
*You know, none of them can shoot a high powered rifle or run an op, or stop a terrorist attack single handed. They don't hold a candle you.

*Really?

*Really. 

*But Chloe's mom is a buyer for Barney's.

*Like you care about.

*No, but I felt like a grey suit slob compared to them.

*Don't let them get to you. They are just like those insufferable spoiled kids in high school, just now all grown up. You don't need their approval, certainly not as a mom, or as a women.

*I guess that's why I keep you around, for that and doing the dishes.  
She gave him a soft kiss. Carrie relaxed and began again.  
*Another mom, Samantha went on and on about you, it was too much, I had to walk away.

* Oh, how is Sam?

*Sam? She is Sam to you? Tall Barbie with a fake tan Sam?

*Yeah, I guess. We went to Hill School together.

Carrie gave him a look.

*What? We were in high school. Don't worry, she was an acne-proned, insecure cheerleader and I was the dark, brooding, too intense guy doing side jobs for Dar. Besides, I know about Estes, so don't start. Sam and I just flirted when we were 16.

*What? How did you find out about Estes?

*Carrie, come on, he left his wife. How could I not know? The CIA isn't good at keeping office secrets. Made you kind of epic, you know.

*My reputation.

*That among other things.

Carrie wasn't sure if she should be embarrassed or proud.. Quinn reassured her.

*Made you the ultimate the catch, I mean you dumped the Director of CIA when it got serious! Makes you f*ing bold. 

*So you were impressed way back then?

*Hell yeah!

She let out a giggle, he still was "the guy running things" wasn't he.  
He loved to see her laugh.

*Well you survived today.

*Only because your German wife saved me.

He raised an eyebrow and tried to look serious.

*Don't look at me that way. I know Astrid must have called you first, trying to find me. If anyone asks, Frannie's hair color came from your great aunt Eleanor.

*Wow, it must have been bad!  
They were both smiling now.  
*Anyone else confession their undying love for me?

*Besides Samantha the cheerleader, there was Tiffany the leader of the Mom Squad..

*Which one is she?

*Willowy, brunette with big brown eyes and lots of plastic surgery.

*Oh, yeah. 

*Seems like she and her husband Bob are crushing on you.

*I don't think so. Bob just likes my opinions about foreign policy and fiscal spending.

Did he have to look so smug? He leaned over and whispered in her ear, as if he were telling her a secret...

*Do you know how Tiffany and Bob met? 

*No.

*She was the tennis instructor for his teenage kids at the country club.

*Really?

*Yeah, you know how old Bob is?

*No.

*72.

*You are not serious?! Harry is in kindergarten.

*Yup. Why do you think Bob has time to go to every school function with his kid? He's been retired almost 10 years!  
Carrie's jaw dropped. She literally had no words.

*But hey, the plastic moms do make good granola.

*You tried Tiffany's granola?

*Yeah, better than that, I got the recipe!


End file.
